There are several things on this earth that bring me joy. A short list: my family, my friends, weddings, every shade of green, buffalo chicken quesadillas, Bravo reality TV, Game of Thrones, and the band of Khaleesi's that rally in support of Stassi Schroeder.
For those of you who don't speak pop culture, I'll break it down for you real quick. Stassi Schroeder is a New York Times bestselling author. She hosts an insanely popular podcast, Straight Up With Stassi, and graces Vanderpump Rules (a hit reality TV show) with her Queenesque vibes every year since 2013, (even season 4). Khaleesi, a Game of Thrones reference, represents a Facebook group of approximately 10,000 people who value her relatable anecdotes and unapologetic appreciation for basic tendencies. I am one of the 10,000. We're a gang. Not quite a cult, but there has been some discussion.. (Kind of an inside joke, yah know.. like besties have.)
I digress.
Being that I am a mom (with absolute, self-diagnosed social anxiety), I have to be very picky about what I offer my time to because MY time is limited. Not in the sense that spans a lifetime, but more like, I'm busy doing laundry and unless we make plans 3 months ahead, I probably don't have room in my non-existent calendar for it. Plus, we both know that as our plans are approaching, I will have the flu. It happens every time. But guess what?
Facebook groups do not need your presence to operate an efficient friendship.
Whether you are starting the conversation, liking someone's engagement announcement, giving a happy birthday shoutout, complaining about work, or swooning over Stassi and Beau- the show always goes on. You can seriously have the flu (like for real), disappear from Facebook for weeks and step back in, like hey bitches- hashtag OOTD, and your community will celebrate you! I no longer have to worry about meeting someone else's expectations. I don't have to be the flakey friend anymore. I don't have to have that awkward conversation where I tell a past co-worker that we can't be friends anymore because I'm not good at showing effort when we're not forced to see each other every day. Having a group of people who can pick up my slack AND not get offended in my absence is exactly the kind of best friend I've been searching for.
Facebook groups offer friendships with a set of rules that ultimately make my life easier.
Whether we like it or not, all friendships have boundaries. It's mostly an unspoken understanding between two or more people. But the reality is, every person is different. It is not fair to assume that what I feel is private or confidential information, someone else will have the same insight. That is why we share most of our secrets starting with, "promise you won't tell." But with a Facebook group, it is in the motha-fcking rules! They are the premise of every high functioning community. If someone breaks a rule, it doesn't have to be a blown-up dramatic situation. You can seriously correct bad behavior and not even completely confront it. Just report the bitch to the admins. (Side note: Admins and Moderators are volunteering their precious time to keep your friendships in check. They are like your own personal mediators. Unpaid. Respect that.)
Facebook groups don't have to pick a side. It will always be you.
You have a best friend? Cool! Do you share other friends? Sweet. You more than likely run the same circle. And let's face it, have one bad day, say one snide comment, and you have entered into friend drama. But people in friend cliques always choose sides! I have never heard a person who claims that they're staying out of it, NOT give their opinion and ultimately find a side. Punch someone in the face (even if they deserved it?) Sides. Going through a nasty break-up? Sides. Share the rumor turned gossip? Sides. Everyone takes sides. It's human nature! But you know who doesn't? Your Facebook group. They're on your side. It's ride or die with these people. They only want to hear your point of view. They don't need a full scope of the details. How did it make you feel? How did it affect your life? How can we make you feel better? I'm personally not an over-sharer, but I've seen these things with my own eyes. In a group that prides itself on being judgemental, we dare not with each other. And if it's really something we can't get behind, we can just. keep. on. scrolling.
SO! In closing. If the thought of another girls night scares the hell out of you, just stay in! Grab a glass of wine! (preferably Nocking Point's Basic Witch Potion No. 1, by the Witches of WeHo). Catch up on a few re-runs of Vanderpump Rules, and stalk the hell out of your favorite Facebook group. Because stalking is not weird if you never intend to talk to any of these people in person. The best kind of best friends truly are the ones who don't want to really know you. Remember that. (I'm not sure if that's accurate.)
The end.
*Shoutout* *FaceBook* Straight Up With Stassi: Khaleesis
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